And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
