Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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