tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
