You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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