Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
