i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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