porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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