Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
