And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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