What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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