He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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