I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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