I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
