what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
