I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
