I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize