Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
