no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
