it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
