Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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