Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
