I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
