just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
