I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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