I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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