2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
