yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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