Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
