Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
