is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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