omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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