I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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