She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
