Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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