I wannas sexs uuuuu
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
