Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
