this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
