Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
50% drunk capacity currently
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
