Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
