Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
