I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
