I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
