well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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