saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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