Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
