So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
