found the other keg... it's in the tree
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
