Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
BRING THE BAGELS
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
