brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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