My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
