HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
