...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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