my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
