im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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