She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
