OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got inside last night via doggy door
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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