Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
