I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
