i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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