I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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