I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
